Published on September 27, 2024
Holidays are an opportunity for renewal and contemplation, and it is wonderful that our students and teachers about to embark on one. As always when a term break is upon us, Facebook sends me a memory, in this case it was a reminder about what was happening when I lived in Zurich. I love it when these memories pop into my Facebook feed or into my photos on my phone. I instantly jump into the memory and, after I take a trip down that memory lane, a new set of memories pops into my feed from another year. Then another photo story…. they just keep coming, and I find it hard to not take that trip down memory lane with all the associated emotions that come with it.
As with all holidays, I not only indulge in these trips down memory lane but also in regular reading and contemplation. Recently I reread a book by Sheryl Sandburg called Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. Sandberg reminds women in leadership positions – or women aspiring to fulfilling careers and home lives – to lean into what they want rather than back away from the challenge of leadership. It is inspiring the idea that woman can (and are entitled to) lean into leadership potential and ensure voices are heard, and needs are met for everyone, in the workplace.
However, as I was reading, I was struck by another, persuasive theme in her book which I found unsettling. Despite pointing out the impact that changing work expectations – the idea that we should always be connected and working hard 24/7 – have had on a person’s (specifically a woman’s) ability to balance parenting and full-time work, Sandburg embraces “flexitime”. Flexitime is that grand concept that we can work from anywhere, anytime and so create the flexibility that enables us to juggle the competing demands of our work and home lives. Sandberg wrote her book before COVID and the concept of “work from home”. Her flexitime reminds me of the notion of “work from home”. Sandberg suggests that a great solution for working mothers is flexitime which, like working from home, can essentially blur the edges of home and work life. According to Sandberg this is liberating for women. For example, in her book there is a moment where Sandberg outlines a deal she made with herself to leave work at 5:30pm to be home for dinner and bed with the kids. Once the kids are in bed, she describes herself as running back to her work email with a kind of obsessive glee. In one sense everything is in balance now – she can still work 24/7 and spend time with the kids. Nothing has had to give.
To me the subliminal message from Sandburg is that to have a career people must be prepared to connect with work as readily at home as in the workplace. In her book there is no disconnection for working mothers: just get the kids to bed and start again. There is absolutely no doubt that for most of us work could fill every moment – there is always one more email to write or read….one more problem to solve.
But, in today’s context where we are hyper connected, it is important to keep a balanced perspective. The 24/7 culture that took on new momentum with the concept of working from home, has been one of the precipitating factors for the Right to Disconnect Legislation. We may be embarking on unknown territory with this legislation, but it is important. If we don’t work hard to have boundaries between work and our personal lives, then we run the risk of being consumed by our work lives at the expense of our wellbeing. And when I think about schools, this is not great modelling for our students who we want to disconnect from devices and reconnect with adults and their peers through play and conversations where they are fully present.
While so many messages in Sandburg’s book are important, I was unsettled by this underlying theme as I believe all adults have a responsibility to set limits regarding work. Moreover, it is a problematic line to take as it perpetuates a myth that we can do it all as adults. Remembering that we can’t do it all as educators and parents is important. As educators we want to fix and heal. We want to respond and deescalate quickly. As parents we can feel lots of emotion when we believe an injustice has been done to our children. Sometimes the best thing we can do is disconnect, step away from email, and wait until we have the cognitive and emotional space to respond thoughtfully and be fully present to deal with the issue at hand.
Expectations to be always connected do not help the young people we work with to slow down their lives, enjoy the moment, and reflect and be sensitive to the needs of others rather than reacting. To return to the Facebook and photo memories, we can see for our children and ourselves that social media is speeding up our lives, and ultimately taking us out of being fully engaged in the present. The idea that we need to post something about what just happened could be seen as an engagement with “now” or a process of disconnecting from that moment and engaging with the possible likes and comments a post will get in the future. Similarly, the pop-up memories are heart-warming, a lovely trip down memory lane, but are unsolicited and can take away from being present. (It is like Sheryl Sandburg running from her child’s bedroom to get back on to the computer rather than enjoying the bliss of a quiet house when the kids are in bed.)
I firmly believe that it is only through re-connecting with “ourselves” in the moment that we get a sense of what we need ‘right now’, this is particularly important at the end of a long day. It is only by setting limits on our work lives that we create the space for imagination, creativity and the renewal so essential for our work as educators, leaders, workers, parents and carers. The Right to Disconnect reminds us of the importance of this and gives us some agency to take charge of the balance between our work and home lives. For my part, once I am home, I try to not run back to my work emails as they keep popping into my inbox. Instead, I choose to take a moment to explore the questions that inspire me to action and to reconnect with my family who deserve my undivided attention. This is important for all of us – to take the time to connect with what drives us and helps us thrive as human beings, and with those people who “fill our buckets”. In the end this will make us better role models for our children and students.
